There’s no question about it: Adoption is a beautiful, life-changing experience – but it is not without its challenges.
When you’re thinking about adopting, it’s very important to walk into the situation with a clear understanding of your expectations, your hopes – and your boundaries. That last issue can be hard for prospective adoptive parents to think through because they have so much love to give – but it is an essential part of the process.
Questions to ask yourself before you adopt
Essentially, you need to think about your motivations for adoption, your hopes and your boundaries. Asking the following questions can help:
- Have you accepted your infertility, if that is what is leading up to an adoption? Will you genuinely feel like an adopted child is your child? Can you fully connect with your adopted child on an emotional level despite the pain of not having a “natural” child?
- Do you want to adopt a newborn? If you adopt an older child, are you prepared for the fact that they may come with significant emotional baggage related to early childhood trauma that may cause them to have special needs?
- Do you want a child of the same race as your own? If you are open to transracial adoption, how prepared are you to navigate the social aspects of that situation and educate yourself on your child’s unique cultural or racial identity?
- How do you feel about knowing your child’s birth parents or birth mother? Do you want contact between your child and their birth family at all?
Remember: Setting limits surrounding the type of adoption you want is not a personal failure. It’s being realistic about your goals and needs. While you can’t predict the future, starting your adoption process on solid emotional and logistical footing can help you be the parent you want to be.